|
To download your copy: copy the
page and paste and resize to a Word document and print as one
page. Leave back blank for each's respective terms in two columns:
hers in red on left, his in blue on right (for same sex
relationships both in red or both in blue) .
 Now
that you have your copy of the Relationship Agreement.
At the outset it would
be fair to say that those reading this and contemplating a
relationship agreement fall into two categories. Those not in a
relationship and those in a relationship. The relationship
agreement is ideally designed for those who were not in a
relationship and are starting a relationship and can do so on the
basis of the agreement. For them there is no problem as the RA is
designed to be the basis of a relationship at its inception and
should lead to no difficulties upon renewal or reciprocation and
the relationship can evolve though a succession of RA's.
However there will be
many who are already in a relationship that may have another basis
or no basis and hence there may be some gear shifting and probably
desirable attention to detail and accommodation on both sides
required. If there was no basis for the relationship there should
be few problems and a basis and agreement can be desirable and
adaption relatively painless. If there is an alternative basis
this can be accommodated or dovetailed in terms of the troth and
the additional terms perhaps no matter how long and deeply
established and I see no basis for retiscence in formalizing it in
written terms even if deeply established (though it may be a
challenge and take numerous attempts and revisions). There should
be no problem reflecting the already existing basis in the
additional terms if you wish to. The only forseeable problem could
be joint assets which have been acquired during the union of the
relationship so attention may need to be given here in terms of
the troth and the terms in the light of the fact that RA's come up
for renewal or reciprocation or the alternative. Joint possessions
and having to decide what to do with them can be a very good
reason for continual renewals or reciprocations if the union is
tied up in or the sum of the possessions. Terms can be reviewed
and perfected or altered at the first two of these events allowing
even a preexisting relationship to adapt to an RA so as to further
evolve and grow and not stagnate.
Now that you have your
copy of the Personal Relationship Agreement all that remains is to
put it in to action. If you are in a relationship you will have to
propose it to your partner and this is best done by having them
read through all the notes so print all the notes off for your
partner. Initially you will need to give them time to think about
it so give them copies of everything and then discuss how best to
detail the provided, and any extra, terms of the RA for
yourselves. If you are in a marriage consider how best to present
it to your spouse and how best to implement it and what, if any,
extra terms to add. If you are single and are seeking a
relationship and are dating then key to endless dating with no
major event is to "perelize" the dating process with a
perel agreement. An RA turns the dating into a relationship and is
the formal step that has been missing. Take the RA and the notes
on dates with you to let prospective partners know where you are
heading. It will make your dating very interesting. You could say
something like "This is not yet in vogue. It is still about
20 years ahead of its time but I wanna do it". A wooee will
most likely not enter into an RA with you on day one (it would be
fabulous if they did) but it breaks the ice and you can return to
it after some weeks or months when the foundation of your new
friend/relationship is stronger and when you are both ready for
some degree of agreed dedication and commitment. Presenting a
platform and structure for a relationship will speed up your
prospects of entering into a relationship with someone serious and
like minded. If they are not interested in you but are interested
in the Relationship Agreement concept give them the website
address so they can get their own copy, as you only have license
to reproduce three copies.
When you present the RA have
two copies and a troth in an amount you consider suitable but not
excessive or paltry in an envelope, sealed or open, and perhaps
put it on the table as they read it for a reaction if their
impression upon reading is positive for you. This will show you
are being serious and they will have to take the matter more
seriously. On initially presenting the RA it will be a talking
point to be returned to for further consideration later on. If the
person really likes you they may sign up straightaway for a short
term, especially when the troth making the agreement binding is
presented for their caretaking. Only if the wooee agrees to
participate should each person fill out one of the RA's and the
troth change hands. If they reject the bond but sign up for the
agreement then the agreement is not binding because no
consideration has changed hands. If they do not wish to accept the
bond then suggest they supply the bond to you instead as a bond
must change hands from wooer to wooee or wooee to wooer (If they
prefer you both can supply separate bonds to each other in equal
or differing amounts and do two parallel agreements (4 copies, 2 x
2), one in respect of each bond, with identical or differing
terms.)
It is suggested that you make your initial
RA term for only 2 or 3 months. This will give you time to rethink
your terms and the second RA agreement after 2 or 3 months, when
it is renewed or reciprocated, can have terms which you have
really put some thought into to make your relationship fire and
near perfect. The bond can be rolled over or reciprocated or
increased or made afresh.
If you like a testing out phase
for compatibility prior to entering into an RA could take up to
one month and then the RA could start from the beginning of the
next calendar month.
Agree on what would be a suitable
term: perhaps a matter of a few months when dating, many months or
a year or two for those in a relationship and a marriage. Remember
the RA can always be renewed, rolled over or reciprocated at the
end of the term and each renewal can be and should be a
cause for celebration and perhaps fresh rethought out terms and so
you should not make the terms too long and so miss out on
celebrations and adjustments.
The troth (bond,
consideration) if accepted should be placed in an envelope and
sealed with the amount written on the front and given to the wooee
for safekeeping. The envelope is not to be opened until the end of
the term, or an agreed consequence may apply. If there is no
renewal and no reciprocation at the end of the term then the wooee
opens and keeps the bond. If the agreement is renewed it is
retained by the wooee and if the agreement is reciprocated then it
and any additional stepped up amount is passed back to the
suitor/now suitee for safe keeping under any agreed conditions.
The troth or consideration is typically an amount of money
but in an enduring more serious and public RA it can be a ring,
(which may be worn on the right hand, for the term of the
agreement) either by the wooee or, in a reciprocal agreement, by
both.
The proposal of entering into a relationship
agreement and the payment of the troth shows that the man or women
making the proposal and supplying the troth cares and holds you in
esteem and treasures your company. It is a supreme compliment.
People fall into two categories irrespective of whether
they are male or female. Gender is unimportant. There are the
choosers and the chosen, the suitors and the suitees, the wooers
and the wooee. Some like to be the ones making the choice and
approach by whatever means, obvious or subtle, to the ones they
choose are the ones of their selection. Others enjoy the
compliment of being approached and being propositioned. They are
happy to be chosen because they know the person who has
approached, chosen and propositioned them really likes them and
that they like. And of course everyone likes to receive a formal
concrete serious proposition accompanied by a respectable troth if
they like the person. They feel very complimented, even if they
say no.
In the world of work and business men relate to
written agreement and workplace agreements and it is perfectly
acceptable for a women to work out who would be the best man for
her and to approach him to sign him up for a relationship so she
will not lose him and have him to herself with evidence in the
form of an enforceable RA to signify commitment. When the man
accepts the troth from the women he is committed for the term of
the RA and he is hers, just as if he approached the lady and she
accepted the troth and she was his for the term of the RA.
After you have each
completed your copy of an RA send us a copy if you would like to
be in the judging of the best RA of the month or year.
After you have entered
into or renewed or reciprocated your Relationship Agreement with
your partner please send a copy, not your originals which you
both keep, with or without an accompanying letter, to me, David,
at Relationship Agreements at 8/1 Curtin Place, Concord,
2137, NSW, Australia.
Optional Gift
Payment
Your copy of the
Relationship Agreement and the notes are free. In this way you can
put it into action and experience the benefits in your
relationship at no cost, apart from the bond which stays between
the two of you. The bond can also be deposited with the an office
of the Public Trustee together with a copy of the Relationship
Agreement.
However we ask that
after a period of your own choosing that if, and only if, you have
found the benefits of the Relationship Agreement worthwhile you
decide between yourselves, or make your own decision, to make a
donation in an amount of your own choosing. It could be equal to
the bond (it should not be the bond itself) or what you think it
the experience has been worth. It could be paid upon renewal/s or
reciprocation/s or whenever and can be made via paypal on the
website or by posting a cheque or ringing. If you do so please
include a copy of your completed relationship agreement, if you
have not already sent one, and maybe a letter or note as to your
experiences and any suggestions.
©
Achieving
That Sought After Commitment
In
A Relationship
-
by David Murphy (c) 2006
A
major concern in budding relationships is how does one ensure that
the relationship will endure and that one will not be
unceremoniously dumped or quietly moved aside.
Without
a degree of commitment, the experience of intimacy is not as deep
and satisfying as it otherwise could be.
Females
find this issue of commitment a greater source of concern than
males. Females desire security in a relationship with the right
person often more than men. Indeed a relationship is a concept
that is more dear to women than it is to men and so this article
is directed more to giving ladies tips on how to secure commitment
in a way that men will relate to and that men will abide by and
take seriously.
A relationship needs a mutually respected
foundation, a set of understandings that are accepted by both and
this should be in writing, not words that are spoken today and
forgotten next week. The spoken word that is not committed to
writing is not binding, so many men think.
Men think in
terms of business and work and in the course of their work they
encounter agreements and rules and requirements that are committed
to and are often recorded in writing and for a good many, if the
terms of a relationship are set down in writing it will command
more respect and the man will abide by its agreed upon terms. A
relationship in which no one is prepared to commit is a happy or
an unhappy illusion but no relationship at all and no source of
security.
A woman seeking commitment, or a man seeking
commitment, if they really mean that, will agree to a commitment
in the form of a document which crystallizes their relationship
and which is respected and by which both parties will abide for
its duration and adhere to its requirements.
A
Relationship Agreement is the most appropriate vehicle. It has a
set of agreed upon terms and the most important element is that it
ensures commitment as there is a consideration (a bond or troth)
that is put on the table and passes from one party to the other,
or from both to each other simultaneously, at the outset and this
consideration makes the agreement binding and thus respected and
honoured by both parties and when the agreement is honoured each
party is honoured and treated with dignity and respect.
Avoiding
having a supposed commitment which is reflected in a written
agreement means that one is not prepared to seriously commit but
that one would prefer to tacitly leave the door open to
escape.
At the moment there are a few personal relationship
agreements to be found on the net, but they mostly concern what a
particular couple will allow each other to do within the
relationship or how the two parties will divide the spoils and
some of those couples have published their agreement on the net as
a form of commitment.
The concept of a relationship
agreement will become more common and accepted in coming years as
people seek to avoid marriage as under our Family Law marriage can
put assets at risk in the absence of a financial agreement and its
duration is not guaranteed.
Relationship Counsellors are
welcome to promote the concept of the RA in their counselling.
If
you feel you wish to discuss the concept of the RA more please
feel free to ring.
The author has been active in the
Sydney Singles scene since he began the Dinner Club in Sydney in
October 1978. During the ensuing 33 years he has become an
authority in Sydney on the subject of the finding of relationships
and has been instrumental in many people finding their partners
through his events. He is the author of the FT1 Finding the One,
course which is taught in Sydney.
David's website is
www.dinnerclub.net.au
David
Murphy
02 – 8214 8397
matchdc@tpg.com.au
Further
Inside information about the Relationship
Agreement
A Relationship
Agreement combines the elements of consideration, or a troth,
which makes it binding, and protects assets for the term of the
agreement and addresses poor performance and unfair practices
within the relationship.
Essential differentiating
elements of an RA which differentiate it from other non binding
relationship agreements and pre-nuptials, (and hence IP) is that
it combines the essential elements of contracts, being offer,
acceptance, capacity, consideration, benefit, intent and
obligation and counterbalances the element of contract with
prohibitions for four torts and uses the amount of the troth, or
bond or consideration or rel, as the basis for computing the
amount of the penalties or damages and so misbehaviour is
proscribed and attracts financial consequences. Any additional
conditions or terms which you regard as important can be listed on
the back with both to initial each term and both to sign and date
underneath under the additional terms and outline any
consequences, financial or otherwise. Terms on the back could be:
single column: all terms are to apply equally to each other ;
or two columns: terms in left column (written in red) are her
terms to apply to him and right column (written in blue) his
terms to apply to her.
Joint venture:
Besides any extra terms and conditions on the back it might be
a good idea to write down a joint venture purpose for the two of
you together to give some direction to the union.
During
the course of the first year or two both of you will have time to
reassess and redefine the terms and conditions and values you may
have included on the reverse side of the your Relationship
Agreement.
For
this reason, as you become more certain as to what behaviour and
values should be specified and what behaviour and values should be
proscribed it is advisable that there should be one or two
renewal/reciprocations in the first year or so. That is, your
first term period for the RA should be 3 or 6 or 12 months so that
terms can be honed and redefined. By redefining and clarifying
your terms a few times you should be able to work out what it is
that is important, where there should be any reciprocated
compromise and arrive at a more satisfying, stronger and perhaps
even perfect relationship with a made to order partner who knows
exactly what you want and has agreed to please and satisfy you.
The total financial consequences for breach or
torts is no more than that contemplated by the agreement and does
not extend to assets (unless specifically stated), providing the
RA has been current for the term of the relationship and
proscribes maintenance as the total financial consequences were
those that were outlined under the agreement. Furthermore an RA
has a predetermined term or duration and there is the concept of
renewal or reciprocation. An RA also makes a relationship
dumpproof as there is no dumping without attracting a penalty for
the term of the relationship. The ending of a relationship due to
non renewal or non-reciprocation is an event attended by no ill
will or animosity.
As previously said in the outside notes
a marriage is absolute and allows little bargaining or negotiation
room and so there is no big stick except separation/divorce (and
its emotional and financial repercussions) so repeated forgiveness
is often obligatory or you may well suffer. With an RA there is
always the spicy threat of non renewal if a partner is falling
short and adjustments can be made to the terms at each renewal
time - and each renewal time can bring a celebration, even
recurring honeymoons for longer termed agreement renewals.
Without teeth, without a bond, without a term (period) and
without terms much that has been written about relationships and
marriage seeking to improve them is just platitudes and
wishful theory. The key is to effectively and practically modify
behaviour and expectations and enshrine defined commitment in
writing with submission and agreement on both sides evidenced by a
uni or bilateral troth.
The penalty of damages for tort is
calculated by reference to the troth and as the agreement is a
simple contract with all the essential elements a court can be
expected to enforce the penalty should matters need to proceed to
court to recover moneys owing. The Relationship Agreement is
effective and being a simple mutually agreeed contract is binding
in any jurisdiction which recognizes the concepts of contract and
tort which is anywhere in the world. The agreement will stand, the
only weakness may be your evidence.
Of course the receipt
of a troth, or bond, by a suitee/wooee for the term of the
relationship is not the receipt of income any more or less than
the payment of a troth, or bond, by the suitor is an expense of
any sort or a purchase price for the receipt of services. The
payment is a bond which can be recovered or forfeited or rolled
over and is held in trust pending determination of what will
happen to it at the end of the term. A troth should be a sensible
and honourable amount. A troth of a dollar would be an insult and
a troth of $100,000 could be incentive for the wooee to not renew
and permanently retain the bond. It should be a sensible amount in
between determined by negotiation and agreement. An acceptance and
undertaking to safekeep the bond is an honouring and acceptance of
the wooer's attentions and signals an accommodation of and
commitment to respond to the wooer's desires and an acknowledgment
that the two parties have an ongoing agreement and understanding -
a love deal with a foundation and a purpose.
The
definition of a marriage is generally a union between a man and a
woman entered into voluntarily for life. (It could be argued that
if a marriage ends in divorce then the union was not ultimately
entered into for life and so in retrospect one was not truly
married as it did not endure till death). A relationship under a
Relationship Agreement is one which can be renewed indefinitely so
the definition of a renewable relationship is a union between two
persons entered into voluntarily for an agreed period which may be
renewed indefinitely with multiple commitments, perhaps even for
life.
©
Celebrate
your Relationship Commencement and Renewals and Reciprocations
A
renewable relationship allows the Relationship Agreement to be
celebrated many times and in many ways which is very romantic.
With a Relationship Agreement you can still enjoy having a
reception, a honeymoon and a ring if you wish. There is no need to
forego these as the new relationship should be celebrated. A
marriage is only celebrated once and is void of ongoing pivotal
commitment celebrations. Typically an ongoing renewable
relationship is renewed annually or bi-annually (as in gay
liaisons) or every five years, with optional fanfare and
festivities and publicly or privately with a fresh or reciprocated
consideration in the form of a new or reciprocated troth of money
or a material item of value.
Entry into an RA by the two
persons should, as said, be followed by some form of public or
private event to mark the occasion. This could be a dinner, a
party or a reception and friends should be invited to celebrate
the event. Each time there is a renewal or reciprocation and the
RA renewed there should be another such event for friends to
attend and to mark the event as something special. Friends should
see your example and be encouraged to mark their own commencement
and renewals of their own relationship agreements commitments with
a party to which they can invite you both and others. If the event
is to be kept private a trip could be taken or a special evening
held to commemorate the new commitment.
Relationship
(Perel) Agreement to be honoured and taken seriously or
consequences apply.
A Relationship Agreement is a
formal structure for a relationship to give the relationship
greater quality and commitment an element of security and suspense
and heightened excitement.
Too often, in nearly 50% of
cases, marriages end up in a messy unpleasant divorce and assets
are at risk and there may be maintenance to pay. It has often been
said that there needs to be a complete overhaul in the concept of
marriage which can, in many cases, end in minor or major personal
disaster for two people and of the amorphous uncommitted undefined
concept of the relationship. An RA avoids these outcomes and
provides much needed definition.
With a Relationship
Agreement there is no risk of a messy divorce, no legal costs, no
loss of assets. If the RA is not renewed, rolled over or
reciprocated the relationship terminates at a pre-agreed time and
there is a cordial parting of the ways and it is always painless
and inexpensive. After all if the relationship terminates you have
both given it a try and experience has proven that one person does
not wish to be with the other so there is no practical point in
trying to continue if all is lost.
The only money you
stand to lose is the bond should there be no renewal.If, however,
it is agreed that the relationship arrangement should continue
then the RA should be either renewed, rolled over or reciprocated
and the bond reciprocated or a new bond issued.
Once the
Relationship Agreement has been entered into and the troth passed
hands the relationship is full on at 100%. Prior to the agreement
a partner, probably the women, may have said "no sex without
commitment" that is no sex without an agreement but now she
should say once commitment is in place "but once we have done
the agreement you can have all the sex you like anytime, anyplace,
no restrictions, as long as you like, as per the agreement. It is
my duty to please you and your duty to satisfy me. That's the
deal; that's our love deal, our love contract."
On
the other hand those seeking to have serial relationships may
enter into a succession of legitimate relationship agreements with
a various suitors or suitees with total commitment for a
pre-defined agreed period, such as two to three months, going
from partner to partner rather than committing indefinitely to one
in their ongoing search for either the ultimate mate or just
excitement and abandonment with honour. Such people may find they
are always in demand with new prospective suitors awaiting and
bidding for them at the conclusion of a period. Being always in
demand from a fresh suitor should serve to keep their current
partner on his/her best performance, in the hope of a renewal or
even a reciprocation, in order to avoid a loss of partner and
bond. It can prove extremely exciting and electrifying as
renewal/reciprocation time approaches.
Fans
of movie, sports and music stars could even do a true love on
offer Relationship Agreement to send to their idols or to put on
their bedroom walls. A copy could be posted or emailed to your
idol to autograph.
The
term when two people enter into a relationship agreement is that
they get "RAllied", not married and the shortened
version of a personal relationship agreement is a "perel"
agreement. If you do the right thing and abide by the agreement
you won't be in peril. Instead you will have a very happy time and
get what you want, for a while, or many times or forever. To be
involved in a personal relationship agreement is to be
"perelized". If you do the wrong thing then at the end
of the term you will be in peril of getting terminated or
"gellied", symbolized by the giving of a packet of jelly
or serving jelly for dessert, as one's just desserts, (perhaps as
a warning, reminder or admonition) just before renewal/ or non
renewal.
The Relationship Agreement does not cover the
issues raised by having children. Couples considering having
children should take this into account when setting the length of
the term for the RA. Typically the term of an RA where children
are planned should be some 15 - 25 years before renewal. If the
other person will not agree to entering into an RA with you for an
extended period when children are being considered you should
reconsider whether to have children with them as they may not
intend to commit to hanging around for long or having you around
for long. An RA does not interfere with entitlements to child
support.
For those concerned whether a Relationship
Agreement is scriptural as St Paul said of marriage in the bible
"be not unequally yoked". So he is saying one must be
yoked equally and equality is defined by reference to the RA which
has terms which are binding upon each party to to the RA. A
marriage where one had distinct and unfair advantages over the
other is not scriptural. A concurrent RA is an asset and adds a
missing qualifying therapeutical scripturaldimension to a
marriage. An RA does not detract from a marriage although it can
quite adequately operate apart from marriage.
Next
page
©
FINDING
THE ONE: COURSE NOTES
PREMISE
AND PARTNER FINDING CARDS
There
are 4,000,000 people in Sydney, 20,000,000 in Australia. If you
are compatible with only 1 in a 1,000 then there are 4,000 in
Sydney or 20,000 nationally who should be just right for you.
If
you are already compatible with 4,000 then you do not have to do a
course so much to make yourself compatible, although these may
have their place, but rather to find some of those 4,000 people
with whom you are suited. It is just a matter of finding some. Of
the 4,000,000, let's say 800,000 are singles, or 1 in 5 between
ages 25 and 70. Many do not go to the events and not many are
actually on the internet. We call these people isolates. Many of
these people are staying home at night watching TV (as witnessed
by the tremendously high ratings figures). Many are wanting to
find someone. Not all are in relationships. If they are, many
relationships are fluid.
The
way to find members of the opposite sex is by going to events,
meeting online and through the papers. These are called being "on
the beaten track" and by all means you can do these. You
certainly should be coming to the events which are organized and
on the website and many on the course have been doing just that.
However when you meet someone who attends events or is on the net
a relationship may not last as they may continue to go out and
meet more people or know where to go and what to do to quickly
meet more people should difficult times come in a relationship as
often happens and so such relationships often may not last.
But
there are the majority of available people who are "off the
beaten track" who are not using these means and who are the
best to find as they are not likely to quickly discover someone
else in their travels on the net or at events and it is these we
also wish to find. What are the means to do so?
Apart
from going to events and being on the internet we focus on having
a good Partner Finding card which we create on this course and
this is our focus tonight.
One
should always be prepared with a good partner finding card as you
never know when one will be needed to make an effective
introduction. You can be active and put out many of them or be
passive and just have one ready and to give out when you see a
person of interest. The more thought you put into your card and
the more you have circulating the better, of course, will be your
results. Recommended minimum number to make up to make inroads
into the 800,000 is 200 - 1,000.
On
side one is a little about you, just enough points to fill the
card and to get a person to make that call to you. Side 1 should
certainly be more than just a name and number, you should disclose
some of your best points and your age. If you are not forthcoming
and interesting don't expect your cards to meet with much success.
It may be an idea to have a friend or another person on the course
to help you work out your description.
Side 2 is about the
person you wish to meet to narrow down the responses to the
qualified right ones. If you are happy to meet the person first
rather than them disqualifying themselves make side two fairly
general but you should include the ages you are after.
You do
not need to put your name, although it makes it more attractive,
on your card, a contact number or email will do. A well worded
card, which a recipient will treasure, can do much to create
affinity which will later form a foundation of a close
relationship.
The
cards can be done on Word or Excel. You will need to lay out a
grid for 10 cards on an A4 size page on Word or Excel to type into
of 55mm x 89mm. Type
in your wording into the top left card rectangle and copy and
paste into the others. Do 10 per sheet on card sheets you can get
from Officeworks or Officeworks can print them off for you on
cardpaper and you cut them up. You can even do them on plain
paper, photocopying double sided and put or hand them out like
that. However well thought out wording and attractive design is
critical. For a better presentation you can visit
office.microsoft.com (or search Google on keywords: "business
card templates or design") to obtain card templates and
clipart for doing cards printed on to plain white card stock. A
well worded and well designed card can yield 10 to 20 times the
results of a poorly worded and poorly designed card. On your card
at at the bottom left of side one you could have the words "ft1
course". At the end of your description on side one you
should have the words "Int. in RA" (for interested in a
relationship agreement, this will lead on to the relationship
agreement). On the bottom line of side two you should have the
words small print in italics "If this is not for you please
keep and pass on to a friend". Two of your cards with these
three additions must be handed in as part of your completion of
the course.
Theoretically
10 cards distributed should bring twice the results of 5 cards and
find someone who is twice as suitable.
20 cards should bring
twice the results of 10 cards and find someone who is twice as
suitable again.
40 cards should bring twice the results of 20
cards and find someone who is twice as suitable again.
80 cards
should bring twice the results of 40 cards and find someone who is
twice as suitable again.
160 cards should bring twice the
results of 80 cards and find someone who is twice as suitable
again.
320 cards should bring twice the results of 160 cards
and find someone who is twice as suitable again.
640 cards
should bring twice the results of 320 cards and find someone who
is twice as suitable again.
For maximum results and maximum
satisfaction put out the maximum number of cards. For few results
put out few cards. A penetration of about 1,000 - 2,000 cards into
the some 800,000 singles in Sydney should bring some gratifying
results. As you sow so shall you reap. The more seeds you sow the
bigger and better the harvest and the greater your chances of
finding some gems. Each card you give out can be a key which opens
doors you could never open otherwise. The cards are your little
soldiers, get them out there working for you.
Most
desirably you should do your cards on your computer and printer so
you can do as many as you wish. If you don't have a printer you
can take the disk, once you have done your cards on it, to
Officeworks or Kinko and they will print them off onto card stock,
but you should cut them up as they charge a lot for cutting.
WAYS
OF DISTRIBUTING THE CARDS
The
only thing that stands between you and success in the distributing
of your cards is fear, which creates a prison which keeps you
single, and perhaps indolence. Overcome these two and the cards
will do their work.
You
can adopt a direct approach or an indirect approach. A direct
approach has its advantages in that it can lead to interaction but
is slower. An indirect approach allows you to get more cards into
the hands of more people but has its disadvantages in that the
people may not see you when they get the card.
If
you are being pro-active with your cards then always be suitably
dressed when giving out your cards. Set a target as to how many
you are going to give out in a giving out session.
*
Give out 5 - 10 cards each to each of your girlfriends or mates to
give out to members of the opposite sex or to their friends to
locate people who they think would respond to your card. Tell them
there will be an appreciative reward for the person who finds the
right mate for you. You could also give them $20 to remind them to
give out the cards and not neglect them. In week 3 you will learn
how the showing of an RA can result in receipt of a consideration
to defray the cost of incentive payments made to friends to give
out the cards for you so you are not out of pocket.
* Give 5 -
10 cards to your dates with whom you will not be proceeding to an
RA with. They have met you and found you nice and friendly and can
give your cards to some available friends or workmates or
relatives etc. and can recommend you to them.
* Give out cards
by putting them out in shops where members of the opposite sex
would go in little plastic card holder stands. Put out 20 stands
at 15 cards each and keep records as to where they were put out
and how many have produced a result. Revisit your sites each month
and count how many cards have been taken and top up your sites.
Keep looking for new busy traffic sites.
* Attend singles
events and give cards out to people whom you find interesting and
would like to get to know. Either go on your own or with a friend
who could give the cards out for you if you are not game. Set a
target for yourself as to how many you will give out on the night.
Say to yourself at large events "I will give out 15 cards
tonight to the best people here". At smaller events like mine
bring your cards to give to people of the opposite sex you meet
either out of interest for them or for them to pass on to
friends.
* Catch taxis and give 20 cards to the taxi driver to
give out to nice members of the opposite sex. Teach the taxi
driver the questions to ask of his fares to determine if they are
suitable to give a card to. Give the driver a $20 tip to give out
20 of your cards. Give 60 cards to friends who catch taxis and
tell them to give them to three taxi drivers and instruct them on
how to instruct the taxi driver to give out the cards for you.
Reimburse them the tips given out.
* Give them to ministers or
priests of churches you visit to give them to people who they
think would be suitable.
* If you are really direct and active
give out 50 cards within 30 minutes in the city and see how long
you can go before someone stops you to engage you in conversation.
If you are not game have a friend to do it and pay them $20.
*
Pick the top 50 companies in Australia from the financial pages of
the paper and have the receptionist or company secretary give 10
each to the most eligible people in the company.
* Drop them in
letterboxes of nice houses or units or townhouses etc.
* Go to
dance classes. Many people, but not all, go to dance classes, not
to become expert dancers but to meet people. Go to different dance
classes and give out your cards to some of the people you dance
with.
* Everyone who is single has to go to the supermarket
sometime. Go to different supermarkets in strategic and preferred
areas on different nights or days and set a goal of dropping cards
in the shopping trollies of 5 to 10 people you fancy. Be well
dressed when you drop the cards. It may lead to brief
conversations and new friendships.
*Put up cards on
noticeboards at various supermarkets, gyms, etc. Workplaces and
businesses often have internal noticeboards and the receptionist
can put a card up on one for you.
* Guys: Give your 5 - 10
cards to male workmates to give to their wives, many of whom love
matchmaking, for them to locate women for you. Women could try
doing the same with female work colleagues to give to their
husbands to find males for them.
* Put the your cards under the
windscreens of cars that appeal to you.
* Have your cards with
you when, at events, you are asked for your phone number by
members of the opposite sex. Many women and men complain that men
or women ask for their phone numbers and their number is written
down on a scrap of paper and the men or women never ring.
Something more is needed than just a phone number but rather a
description of the person to remind the man or woman who it was so
he or she will ring. Having your card available could be the key
that leads to that nice person who asked for your phone number to
make that call.
* By handing in two of your cards during
the course to go in the card book future people seeking
relationships who do the future courses will see your card.
*
Bring your cards along to future nights of the course to give to
future attendees of the course who are also wanting to meet
someone for a serious relationship. Past graduates meet downstairs
at 8.30pm to meet the new attendees.
To
give out a card directly to an interesting stranger try saying
"I'm sorry there is no one to introduce us but I'd like to
give you my card and get one of yours, if you have one. Let's swap
cards. If my card is not suitable for you please pass it on to a
friend, otherwise feel free to ring". Another opening line
could be "Excuse me, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I'd
like to give you one of my cards and if you've got one, get one of
yours."
Many times the card will act as an ice breaker
and conversation starter and you will make a new friend. Be ready
to have a conversation, the person may prove to be ready and
available for you. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush so
to speak. You could continue by saying "I should really leave
the ball in your hands and leave you to contact me. I could say if
you've got a moment let's be daring and meet for coffee but you're
probably busy right now and don't have time." They may
suddenly find the time and respond to you as a person who is
spontaneous and ready to meet someone special too which is good.
If not tell them to ring you later or pass the card on to a
suitable friend.
When
you receive a phone call from someone who has seen your card, if
they ask you on the phone "what is an RA" tell them
"I'll show you when I see you". Don't discuss the RA on
the phone. Leave it till you meet them and show them then, since
they asked.
With
many cards being given out and in circulation you should get many
responses, although expect a response rate for a well worded and
well designed card of about 5 - 10%. Not all the responses will
come at once. Some people will carry the card around in their
wallet or purse for weeks or months before they are ready or have
the courage to nervously ring or remember to give it to a friend.
Many should ring fairly promptly but make sure you have put out
plenty of cards, don't expect too much from too few. With numerous
responses you can afford to be selective and insist upon a
completed RA but don't be so selective that the number of people
of the 20,000,000 in Australia that you are satisfied with is 0.
Click
here for an example of the a double sided partner finding card.
©
Next
page
FINDING
THE ONE: COURSE NOTES
DATING
DO'S AND DON'TS
Dating
is interviewing for prospective partners for a relationship. If
dating does not have direction and purpose and a desired outcome
it is just making new friends or spinning your wheels. With your
cards you can make each date a productive exercise.
DO'S
To be
attractive you have to dress nice and act nice. Dress well so that
you give a good impression upon the first meeting. You have to be
accommodating and not rigid, inflexible or dogmatic. Be prepared
to meet the other person half way. When two people meet it is like
two foreign worlds coming together so be diplomatic and polite and
agreeable. Don't always set high standards for the other person to
meet if you are not meeting those standards yourself. Don't set
unrealistic expectations in the person you are seeking. The higher
your expectations the more you may be disappointed if you are not
the ultimate prize yourself.
Allow
them to do the talking and be a good listener. Allow the other
person to do most of the talking and show that you are happy to be
a good listener but can converse when called upon to do so but
lead back to questions to get them to disclose. Don't dominate the
conversation by talking about what only you want to talk about.
You are there to learn if that person is suitable, and
participate, not entertain or convert. Show interest in what the
other person is saying. Ask them directive questions and give
directive answers. (Directive means that those questions and
answers guide the conversation and lead it in the direction you
want it to go like a rudder without monopolizing the
conversation). Ask questions based upon what they have been saying
and let them do most of the talking. Try to strike a balance where
they do two thirds to three quarters of the conversation and you
do a third to a quarter of the conversation. Certainly a nice
person who is interested in you may seek to get you to do most of
the talking but a purpose of the date is for you to gather
information to determine if you have common interests. Certainly
this is not to say that you should not be revealing during the
date. Be happy to disclose secrets if you wish but not at length.
Revealing your thoughts leads to intimacy and trust but don't use
the date to pour out your problems as if to a therapist. Be
revealing, if you wish, but get them to reveal more. If they don't
open up to you then you should not feel you are obliged to open up
to them.
Be
agreeable and agree with what they are saying, tell them they are
right and that they are intelligent and interesting. It is nice to
find someone who agrees with you and who compliments you so
present yourself as such a person. Don't interrogate or seek to
convince or convert but interrelate and compliment.
Show
attentiveness
Look them in the eyes about 90% of the time they
are talking and look them in the eyes also about 90% of the time
when you are doing the talking. Show attentiveness. Lean forward
and tilt your head when you are listening to them. Don't dominate
the conversation, you are not there to entertain, convince or
convert but to participate, interact and gather information such
as common interests and lay down a foundation for a possible
relationship.
Ask
questions from the questions sheet, memorize some of the questions
so you can use them to discover what the person is like. Be
diplomatic and don't argue or try to prove a point, it really
doesn't matter. You are not there to convert a stranger to your
point of view. The best way to change someone is to change them
for someone else so if they are just not right enough then move
on.
Even
if you don't care for the person practice your relating skills and
dating skills and be agreeable and seek to build the person up.
Even if you don't want that person as a relationship partner or
friend be nice to them so they will think you are a very nice
person and so you can give them 5 or so cards for them to pass out
to people they know or meet that they may think suitable for you.
If you are not interested so much in them you could start asking
them about their friends, are they all attached, are they single,
what do they do, where do they go etc. etc.
Entwining
Search
for common interests with a person you are interested in and start
to entwine along the lines of your joint interests. Seek to find
what you have in common. Delve into them and reveal your past
experiences, aspirations, training, work, family and perhaps the
good side of past relationships. Seek to find common ground for a
joint purpose or joint venture and find things that they enjoy
doing that you enjoy doing. It could be something like visiting a
different park in Sydney each Saturday and Sunday or a plan to go
on a holiday to a place you both want to go to or starting a
networking business together so you can leave your jobs and be
together. Starting a business or service together, with preferably
no major outlay, is a good way of learning about the other person.
It is important to be reliable to build trust and if you care for
the person you will be reliable. If you say you are going to do
something then do it.
Being
Supportive.
A
relationship requires that both parties be mutually supportive to
each other, taking an interest in what is important to each other
and assisting each other to achieve their desires and interests
and goals which will mutually enrich the relationship. If you
really are interested in or like/love a person you will want to
help them succeed or be satisfied, be it in their work, business,
hobbies, aspirations etc. Take an interest in finding out what the
other person is trying to achieve, delve into their desires and
support them with practical suggestions, actions, offers, and real
assistance that they will appreciate and value you highly for.
Make yourself more than just a catch but be useful and valuable to
them.
The
Endless Dance of Reciprocation
A
relationship involves reciprocation and this dance of
reciprocation can start even before the relationship formally
commences as in friendship. By reciprocation is meant you make a
move, e.g. an offer to find or get them something etc. and see if
it is reciprocated. You may tell them you believe in doing favours
for someone if you like them and, if they enjoy your attentions or
friendship, they will reciprocate by doing favours back and a
friendship is born and trust is built. If they do not soon start
to reciprocate within, say, three favours move on. A move might be
paying for their drink or making a phone call and ask them to make
the next call or giving them a gift or getting them some useful
information. Let them know what they can do for you to
reciprocate.
Having a relationship is an endless dance of
reciprocation where you do favours for each other and help each
other. An attentive person will seek to show interest and make a
move. Encourage them because they may be shy and unsure whether
you like them. Some people will think you are just being friendly
unless you are more obvious. Let them know you like and appreciate
them and don't play games.
Reciprocation also requires that you
will need to compromise in some areas and accommodate the other
person in their wants and desires. Reciprocation also will require
that the other person will need to appreciate that for a
relationship to be viable they will need to compromise and
accommodate you as well. Compromise will require patience and
understanding and tolerance within acceptable limits on both
sides. If you both have an overriding attraction to each other
this should not be too difficult and will signify respect and by
respecting each other's differences, along with continuing
reciprocation, trust, which is essential for a mutually beneficial
relationship, will grow.
Be
the catch. Make yourself a catch and don't be doing all the
chasing. 50% of men chase and 50% like or prefer to be chased and
the ratio for women is that most like to be chased but 35 - 40%
will do some chasing, but are much more subtle about it. Make
yourself the catch by dress and manner and friendliness and if you
like the other person let yourself be caught.
Men
have shorter wicks than women. Men get interested more quickly and
women take longer to get interested and aroused so be friends
first and create a firm foundation upon which a relationship can
be built.
It is
important to meet in person as soon as possible and not carry on
telephone, or phoney, and email relationships as such tend to
evaporate upon meeting in person if the person is not to your
fancy. Aim to meet a person found on the internet in person as
soon as possible and so not waste time on phoney relationships.
You could arrange to meet at an event or a coffee shop. You should
arrange for the first date to meet in a public place such as an
event or coffee shop or pub for drinks or coffee. Don't start out
with a dinner for a first date.
On
one of your dates have your date go through and fill out the
questionnaire profile sheet (the sheet with 4 x 20 questions
covering money, work, relationships and lifestyle). Photocopy off
plenty of spares first and don't write on the original.
If
you are attracted to the other person tell them you never make the
first move physically, that way you don't get into any trouble and
its not your fault if anything goes wrong and things fall apart
but tell them they are most welcome to initiate anything if they
wish and you will reciprocate.
If
you are only really attracted to 5% of members of the opposite sex
then probably only 5% of members of the opposite sex are really
attracted to you. That means that for 1 in 20 members of the
opposite sex to whom you are attracted there is probably a match
and a probable relationship.
The
overall aim of each meeting is to arrange the next meeting. Don't
leave a date until you have the next date booked and decided what
you are going to do and where you are going to go. Don't leave it
to a later phone call late in the week to arrange the next date.
It is nice to know that it has been organized and committed to and
not left hanging. Use the final part of the date to discuss things
you can do together and where you can go together and what you
will do for your next date. Visibly take out your diary and enter
the date of the next date in your diary. Confirm a day before the
next date.
DONT'S
Don't
bring up past baggage or talk about your past relationships (if
you must then keep it brief) but try to get them to talk about
their past relationships and why they ended. Past performance is
the best guide to future performance. If they talk disparagingly
about their past relationships it can be a guide that one day they
will talk to others about you in the same way. If you have had bad
experiences in past relationships don't rehash them in the
conversation. Put those experiences behind you and head off in a
new direction in your dates. Otherwise your date may think what
happened before reveals much about you and may not want to see you
again, nor give out your cards.
If
you fancy them don't talk to them about having dated on the
internet or having attended singles events if they do not do so,
or even if they do do so. Act as if such events or the internet
dating do not exist. They may think if you discuss them or attend
them you are transient and will not commit. They may also start to
become interested in the events and wish to visit them rather than
spend time on weekends with you.
However
If you don't fancy them then talk about other singles events and
about internet dating experiences and the ft1 course and recommend
they try going to the events to where people can be met or that
they do the course if they want to meet someone. Give them 5 or so
of your cards for them to pass on to their suitable friends.
Question
for next week: When does dating become a relationship?
Next
page
©
FINDING
THE ONE: COURSE NOTES
THE
RELATIONSHIP AGREEMENT
When
does dating become a relationship?
If
you were to buy or rent a property, secure a job or buy a
business, go for a holiday or make any large purchase you would
expect there to be some paperwork evidencing an agreement. Just as
we now have rental lease agreements and workplace agreements we
now have relationship agreements which define and give
security and commitment and insurance to a relationship.
A
serious relationship will have commitment and will exhibit certain
elements which give the relationship integrity. These elements
which make a relationship serious are the contractual elements of
offer, acceptance, capacity and consideration. Without these a
relationship has no commitment and without these commitment cannot
be defined.
A
contractual relationship, such as the Relationship Agreement, will
have offer by the suitor to the suitee, acceptance by the suitee,
capacity in that both people have status and standing, and
consideration, which is an item of value which passes from suitor
to suitee (it does not mean simply taking into account the other
person's feelings, it has a legal meaning being a item of value).
In the parallel to the relationship agreement (which is the modern
day version of betrothal) which is engagement, the item of value
which passes from promisor to promisee is a ring and this is an
item of value that validates the undertaking of engagement. In a
contractual relationship the item of value is a troth or bond, or
option fee, which is an offered and acceptable amount of money,
which passes from wooer to wooee, and the agreement is for a set
term of weeks or months or years.
A
consideration, which is an item of value, and agreement as to the
term makes the relationship binding and serious. This
consideration is called the troth and is a pledge of fidelity and
an honour payment. At the end of the term of the relationship,
should the suitor ultimately fail to retain a heart, evidenced by
a reciprocation by the suitee becoming the suitor and paying the
troth back to the suitor in a renewal of the relationship, the
suitee retains the money and the relationship concludes and is not
renewed, although the suitor could tender another consideration to
the suitee for a fresh relationship term. The term of the
relationship is also negotiated at the outset and is typically a
period of a few weeks or months. A prudent and practical course of
action for those couples in an enduring relationship is to renew
the agreement every 3 or 6 or 12 months and reciprocate the bond
back and forth with each renewal.
If
the parties are serious and have nothing to hide they will have no
reason to not commit to the terms of the relationship agreement.
Generally relationships as we know them are at best voidable
contracts, if contracts at all, as there is no item of
consideration and no agreed term and they are not binding, and
hence not committed, and dumping with impunity can take place.
Relationships where there is no consideration and no agreement as
to initial term period and which run on love and infatuation and
hope are risky ventures and one party can suffer being dumped
without explanation and there is no comeback or recourse. Dumping
is not an easy option with a relationship agreement and attracts a
penalty and so the parties are committed to the term of the
relationship. During the term of the relationship agreement the
two parties can discuss a premature termination if they wish but
it is generally up to the suitor and suitee to consent to an early
termination. The suitee cannot prematurely terminate the
relationship without consent or the penalty may be activated.
When
the parties enter into a relationship agreement they commit and
are serious and the agreement is enforceable and is a source of
security much like a normal contractual arrangement as the
elements of offer, acceptance, capacity and consideration are
present in the agreement.
The
penalty for breach, abuse etc. gives leverage to the party who is
doing the right thing in a contractual relationship, should the
other party do the wrong thing. The penalties do not favour either
suitor or suitee but rather the party who is abiding by the
agreement.
It is
submitted that by entering into a common law contractual
relationship agreement the party that receives the benefit of the
consideration should not be entitled to receive anything more of
the suitor than that which is contemplated by the contract for the
duration of the contract/s. The party that has received the
consideration cannot maintain other claims upon the payer than
that which is allowed within the terms of the agreement unless
they arise from malfeasance.
Suitability
of a Relationship Agreement
A
Relationship Agreement is not a pre-nuptual in contemplation of a
union under the Marriage Act 1961. A Relationship Agreement is the
Common Law alternative to engagement and marriage. Both marriage
or cohabitation for a lengthy period of time in the absence of a
relationship agreement puts assets at risk. To live together for a
lengthy period of time without a relationship agreement is unwise.
Under a Relationship Agreement which is current the total
liability is that which is contemplated and provided for under the
agreement. A Relationship Agreement is relationship insurance.
A
Relationship Agreement is attractive to the person who, perhaps
due to past experiences, cannot motivate themselves to find a
relationship due to the uncertain nature of today's relationships,
being, often as not, without certainty or commitment. The person
using an RA is seeking a relationship which is more certain and
secure and not an endeavour of risk. They are, in effect, seeking
to insure the relationship against uncertainty and premature
termination. An RA helps to ensure that one does not suffer being
prematurely dumped and suffer anguish and a broken heart which
none of us wants.
Also
there are many people who lack the knowledge or the personal
skills or personal commitment to start or conduct a relationship
and lacking such knowledge, skills or personal commitment many
potential relationships go off the rails and fail. A Relationship
Agreement gives some structure to early relationships and gives
certainty, direction and guidelines.
Reliability
is a good guide as to whether there is serious commitment. The RA
helps ensure that there will be reliability. The two parties would
not enter into the RA if they did not intend to commit and be
reliable for the period of time committed to. The RA turns a
fumbling or cautious relationship into a committed relationship
which is strong and a source of comfort and strength. Two people
who feel they are committed will have no qualms in documenting
their commitment in an RA.
Many
people find themselves dating on the internet people who will not
commit or not commit for long or for good due to the endless
choice of new dates available to them and the belief that they can
always find someone better if things get difficult or unexciting.
An RA helps in grounding these elusive wandering butterflies who
are constantly searching the internet for fresh and better dates.
Such is the risk from finding your dates from the internet, as
many of these people are becoming risky long term relationship
material due to being spoiled.
A
Relationship Agreement is an essential tool for the person who
fears that any person they get close to or get involved with is
going to run away, be unreliable or disappear on them if they try
to get close and emotionally rely upon them and form a
relationship which they fear may evaporate or unduly terminate
abruptly. A Relationship Agreement, in the terms, outlines the
responsibilities of either or both parties to initiate
communication a minimum number of times per week and on these
calls trysts and assignations should be planned. This is because
relationships can die if people do not keep in contact, as they
should, so agreed contact is part of the agreement.
Those
reticent about entering into a Relationship Agreement with someone
they like are either indicating that they are not prepared to
significantly commit to the other person who likes them or are
sending a message to the other person that it is OK for either of
them to keep looking and they wish to reserve that option.
The
RA allows people to discuss issues central to the running of
relationship like how long, who pays for dates, who keeps in
touch, things which should be discussed early on in a budding
relationship and a mutual agreement can be reached and committed
to. An RA allows a couple to experience a deeper level of
commitment, to have a special experience between them which can
form a sound foundation for an ongoing relationship or later
marriage, even when the RA has expired should the relationship
continue in the absence of an RA.
Men
are perhaps more interested in having an RA than women but women
should be interested in entering into an RA because men are
comfortable in committing when done through by way of a
Relationship Agreement with Consideration. So for women it is an
ideal way to get a man to commit. If women want to engage a man in
a relationship it can be done with an RA.
There
may also be those who like the contractual relationship agreement
format and are happy to go from contractual relationship to
contractual relationship and never be out of a relationship for
long. These people, who may in time be termed RA groupies or
grapies, would always like to be in a secure relationship for a
guaranteed time as they are continue to search for their perfect
partner. They would move from agreed relationship to agreed
relationship every few months, fitting in a number of
relationships per year as part of the search for the ultimate One.
It is
envisaged that a Relationship Agreement and a marriage can
co-exist. Either the first arrangement would take precedence or
the marriage that supplants the RA would take precedence. It would
depend upon an examination of the vows and the relevant Acts to
determine. Relationship agreements by people contemplating
marriage are recognized in the Family Law Act 1975 (sections 71A
and 90B) where they are termed financial agreements as opposed to
pre nuptials.
How
to Introduce the Relationship Agreement.
When
you have met someone who really takes your fancy, to transport the
friendship to a serious relationship or trial relationship, the
would be suitor should entreat the other party, whom they like, to
enter into a relationship agreement and to consent, participate
and commit, though not necessarily forever or for an indeterminate
period of time, but for an agreed period of time and then either
conclude, renew or drift on without the relationship agreement.
On
the first or second date if you fancy the person and you have
determined that they seem accommodating and may find you
acceptable and have no qualms about further meetings you could say
either "I'd be prepared to entertain a relationship
proposition from you" or "Let me tell where I am
heading". Bring out two copies of the agreement form and put
one down in front of them for them to read and perhaps, if you are
game, lay down your preferred amount in cash on the table and say
"Let me show you that my intentions are honourable. As you
can imagine the reason why I am dating is that I am looking for a
relationship with someone who is serious too and to prove my
intentions and honour I would like to ask you whether you would be
agreeable to entering into a relationship agreement with me for a
few months. I am offering you a consideration bond to enter into a
relationship agreement with me for an agreed period. Read it
through first." They will have never seen anything like the
RA you have laid down in front of them and will be surprised and
intrigued.
Another
way you could lead into the RA is to show them again your card
upon which you have the words, "Int. in RA". They may
ask, or you may have to guide them, "What is an RA" to
which you answer "I am interested in having a relationship
agreement for a set period of time to see how things go. I'll show
you one". They may have seen these words on your card when
they first rang you and asked "What is an RA?" to which
your answer should have been "I'll show you when we meet".
Other
lines you could use are "Would you enter into one of these
with me?" or "Well again, as I said before when I gave
you the card, nothing ventured, nothing gained. What objections
would have to entering into a Relationship Agreement with me for a
few months to see how things go with a honourable consideration
from me to you?" By the laying down of an amount is in cash
the other person will be impressed and see you as an honourable
person willing to pay them a consideration or bond for a
relationship. The response should be very interesting even if you
just do a few for fun and practice to make your dates interesting.
Don't
expect the person shown is going to sign up for a relationship
straight away, though they might. Showing the RA at the beginning
sets the tone and is a starting point and gives some direction in
the dating and forms a basis for discussion and shows whether that
person is prepared to enter into a relationship with you. They may
want to think about it and come back to you later. The RA forms a
basis for negotiation and agreement and can have an influence
without ever being entered into. You will generally not secure an
completed RA on the first date but it can set the scene for one
later on when you come back to it. If the person never wants to
enter into a relationship agreement with you it is an indication
that they are not prepared to commit to you for any length of
time.
If
your prospective wooee does not wish to take to the water straight
away and accept your offer of the consideration you could tell
them that if they wish to take time to think about it then you
might reduce the amount so that it will be less if they are not so
sure about you. Delay and hesitancy show that they may not really
be prepared to take you seriously or are not serious about
relationships themselves. If they delay, reduce the consideration
as they continue to procrastinate and time goes by. This should
help them make up their mind to participate and commit. In time if
they want you it could be they who is paying you or delay could
lead to a dual play.
A
person, a prospective suitor or suitee, can also make it known
that she/he is available for a relationship on the terms of the
RA, if the other person wishes to pay a suitable consideration.
Ladies would probably have more success with this proposition and
will generally find that a prospective male suitor or suitee will
find in the RA something that is attractive as men seem to find
something intriguing about RA's.
It is
possible that the other person will want to consider and ask if
they can have a copy of the RA. It was a condition of the course
that the RA and the course notes are not to be given away free,
even to interested parties. The course notes were not to be
divulged or given away or sold at all, but the RA is an item of
value and if they want a copy of the RA they have to come up with
a consideration which they pay you which you can either take off
the cost of the course or take into account should a consideration
for a relationship be forthcoming at a later meeting. Chances are
you may never see the person again so they should not get an RA
free as they are of value. The preferred cost they should pay you
is $20 - $50 for a copy. Hence if you have shown the RA on dates
which lead nowhere and the date wants a copy of the RA, and some
will be prepared to pay to get a copy of it, particularly if you
have laid down your offer of a troth first, you can find that you
are being paid for your time to have dates which become profitable
dates, much like having a second job, and very soon the cost of
the course to you will have been recovered.
Some
of the people you see may later wish to go on to do the course to
help them find someone and this should be encouraged as more
people will be needed for future courses and they also will have
the opportunity when dating to reduce their course outlay cost to
$0 and even be paid to date.
Plays
The
standard offer or play is where the suitor, the approaching party,
tenders a consideration or troth to the suitee of so much for so
long. A typical example of amount and time is $300 - $600 for 3
months but you can vary this. For a couple contemplating
cohabitation and seeking to protect assets the period may be for 1
- 10 years with a consideration of $1,000 to $10,000 or so.
In
some cases the approaching party may contrive circumstances so as
to be the recipient of a consideration from the suitee by making
it known that she/he is available for a serious relationship if
the suitee is happy to consent and commit and pay the
consideration. Two copies, one each, of the agreement should be
filled out and one kept by each
Another
play is where both parties pay a consideration, either of equal or
differing amounts to each other. Each should bring their own money
separately to the agreement and exchange. Four copies of the
agreement form are filled out, one for each party for the suitor's
consideration to the suitee and one for each party for the
suitee's consideration to the suitor. Both agreements exist
alongside each other and are both binding in their own right.
Another
move, that has been suggested, is that the suitor pays the
consideration to the suitee with the understanding that if they
are still together at the end of the term the money goes towards
paying for a holiday away together.
Ideally
at the end of the term the suitee will want to continue the
relationship and will do a reciprocation and will pay the
consideration back to the suitor and a renewed relationship
agreement will be entered into with the suitee, now suitor, paying
the consideration or a different amount to the other party. If not
the relationship ends amicably or drifts on without written
commitment and security and no one gets unceremoniously dumped.
It is
a good idea for a third party to hold on to the money/s until the
end of the term. The Public Trustee who has offices in various
suburbs can fulfil this role. The bond moneys can be deposited
with the Public Trustee with a photocopy of the RA, or a photocopy
of each RA if it is reciprocated agreement with two separate bond
moneys.
When
is physical intimacy permissible or advisable?
There
are two schools of thought upon the matter of when physical
intimacy becomes permissible.
The
first school of thought says no sex without commitment. That means
no physical intimacy prior to a relationship agreement being
competed between the two parties. However after that, commitment
means commitment and that means commitment by both parties and as
a relationship involves a physical dimension physical intimacy
gets the green light, from the instant of commitment to the
relationship.
The
second school of thought says that you should try before you buy
and be not unequally yoked. If you don't want to find yourself in
a relationship agreement commitment with a person you may be
unequal to sexually or who is not satisfying you should address
that issue prior to commitment. That is, there should be a test
run or two first with the expressed expectation that if
performance is up to standard commitment will be sought after in
the form of a completed relationship agreement. You don't want to
find you are in relationship, which has a physical dimension, if
the person is not able to satisfy (although failure to perform is
a grounds for rescindment of the agreement).
A
Relationship Agreement does not disallow a party having an outside
relationship or affair but under the terms the party having an
undisclosed and unconsented to second relationship or affair would
most likely be guilty of the tort of misrepresentation should they
be questioned and found out and also could fail to perform in all
respects (e.g. become unreliable) and hence on two counts be
liable for double the agreed measure of penalty/damages.
©
Get
Involved
Would be RA
Moderators Invited to Nominate Themselves Worldwide
In time as the concept
of the Personal Relationship (Perel) Agreement takes hold and more
people enter into them there will be an opportunity for would be
moderators to nominate themselves (do so in the forum section) to
organize counselling and get-togethers for individuals and
couples interested in meeting others in order to find someone with
whom to enter into an RA with or to meet other couples who have an
RA as the basis for their relationship.
There will be
opportunity in many parts of the world and many major cities for
moderators who hold office for a year at a time.
Possibly parties could
be held or conventions picnics, dinners, monthly meetings etc.
Would-be moderators
should post entries on your local internet noticeboards with the
by lines "perel agreements" or "ra agreements".
Moderators should also
consider becoming affiliates if they have a website to refer from,
although referrals are possible without having a
website.
©
Next
page
Legal
and Permissions
The elements of a
relationship agreement (IP) that distinguish it as unique
intellectual property is as listed elsewhere on this website.
You are permitted/licensed to make no more than three
copies of the RA and notes for friends etc. apart from a copy of
the RA and notes for a wooee who accepts your proposition, except
by express permission from the author of the RA and this site.
Please contact me for such permission which will be generally
given upon request.
License is given to marriage
counsellors etc to integrate the RA into their counselling/therapy
providing the client couple obtains their own copy from the
website to so that they may gain maximum benefits by having access
to the website and notes and updates. Failure to advise of
the RA option may be viewed as porofessional negligence and may
have consequences.
Rampant transgression of the restricted
reproduction condition may attract the imposition of a licensing
fee.
I reserve the right to stipulated income from
derivatives of this intellectual property should anyone proceed to
market the RA concept without first obtaining consent and terms.
All rights reserved.
©r
ationship
agreement, prenuptial agreement, common law marriage, marriage
counselling, betrothal, relationship advice, dating tips, dating
advice, love relationship, marriage contract, defacto, dating
online, getting married, dating personals, dating, relationships,
relationship books, personal relationship, engagement, engagement
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and respect in marriage, honor and respect in dating, honor and
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arranged marriage, marriage license, wedding proposal,
alternatives to marriage, relationship contract, dating agreement,
casual dating, serious dating, sex before marriage, casual sex,
speeddating, speed dating, internet dating, marriage celebrant,
marriage advice, prenuptial advice, stale marriage, repairing a
marriage, honeymoon, marriage arrangements, relationship skills,
broken marriage, matchmaking, matchmaker, marriage tips, divorce,
affiliate program, affilliate programs, webmaster program,
affiliates and webmasters
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
TOWARDS
BETTER RELATIONSHIPS: IMPROVING RELATIONSHIPS
GET
YOUR FREE COPY OF A RELATIONSHIP AGREEMENT HERE !
Dating/Relationship/Partnership
Agreement and Notes
are now free to
copy off and put into action in your current or next relationship.
It will give structure and direction to any personal relationship
between couples which is serious or starting out. Try it out in
your relationship or as a basis for a new relationship. Only by
really putting it into action will you be able to experience its
benefits. Make it your Valentine's Day present for your
relationship.***
Simply
copy off the pages and be the FIRST amongst your friends to have a
copy of the RELATIONSHIP AGREEMENT ! It will spark some most
interesting conversation ! Or you could tell them to visit
relationshipagreement.net and study the pages and implement it and
report back.
These
pages involve some fairly new and interesting and advanced
concepts designed to improve personal relationships between
couples and take them to a higher level. It is strongly suggested
you take the time to study all the pages and agreement as you will
benefit greatly. You may care to even print off these pages so you
can study them in detail and show them to (a) friend/s to discuss.
If you do not have time now to study all the pages then at least
visit them and save them on your computer so you can look at them,
or print them off, later when you have time. As of 1.1.08 the
Relationship Agreement is now free to copy and all detail pages
are now free access. If printing off the pages, the detail pages
best to print to get the full package off are those with an
asterisk (*) ).
***
The
Relationship Agreement and detailed information notes are the
perfect
New Year's Resolution/Valentine's Day gift for couples who want a
richer relationship/partnership and for anyone seeking a strong
foundation for a personal relationship/partnership. *
*
The
Relationship Agreement was created because of the need to provide
a vehicle for relationships alternative to, ancilliary to and
superior to marriage and the average generally undefined non
directional personal intimate relationship between two
people. It is the vehicle for people who are reasonably serious
about their relationship/s and each other and want a relationship
which is going somewhere and who are not afraid of a degree of
commitment, short, medium or long term.
In
the detail pages, you will find the solution to many relationship
problems and a means for the enhancement of most, if not
all, serious personal intimate relationships including
marriage.
Fasten
your seatbelts and put on your thinking caps as you begin reading.
Read and
be ready to take action for a most interesting journey in your
relationship.
The
Relationship Agreement will be found attractive by sincere
married couples seeking some guidance, direction, framework
and spice for their marriage and a deeper level of
commitment if that is what they want.
The
Relationship Agreement will be found attractive and highly
relevant by couples who are fairly serious about their
relationship and who are seeking some guidance, structure,
direction, definition, purpose and a measure of commitment
for their relationship.
The
Relationship Agreement will be found very useful by those
individuals who are dating or are planning to date as it
provides them with a plan and a system for an
anticipated relationship and provides them in time with
something tangible to offer to a keen prospective partner
in the joint endeavour and developing journey which is a
relationship so that the relationship will be more mutually
respected, defined, beneficial and satisfying. Showing a copy of
the RA and some of the notes (underline or highlight interesting
parts) will certainly make your dating more interesting !
There
is nothing so powerful as an idea whose time has come.
You
are about to encounter a revolution in relationships which is long
overdue and which may well challenge some fundamental expectations
relating to marriage and relationships with which you were brought
up and which you have never seriously questioned due to the
abeyance of a third long dormant and now updated third
alternative.
Once
you have your copy of the RA and notes you will be able to put
it to any special person in whom you are interested
"Would you like to do one of these with me?" or "I
would like to sign you up for a relationship for say 2 - 3 months
to see how things work out. When is a good time to get together to
discuss terms? - and then we can celebrate!"
Before
2008 access to the Relationship Agreement and detail pages had to
be purchased. In 2008 we decided to make it free and let people
try it out and experience its benefits first. Now instead of
selling we just ask that if your find it to be beneficial then
later down the track you make a joint decision and work out what
it has been worth and make a gift payment so that we can continue
our work. There is no obligation for this payment and it should
purely be measured by the degree of benefit you have obtained. It
can be made once or at each renewal or reciprocation. It can be
equal to the troth or greater or less, it is purely up to you if
it has proven worthwhile to determine what it has been worth.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
|
Many
people, not convinced that marriage is for them, these days opt
for a convenient and undefined relationship. It may be with
cohabitation or without but if there is cohabitation the law in
many places tends to regard this as a common law marriage and it
can become as binding as any marriage. Many others do not pursue
even a relationship because they are not attracted by the inherent
uncertainty of undefined relationships. 
IT'S
DIVORCE SEASON - FEUDING couples have inundated divorce lawyers
after a surge in relationship breakdowns over the Christmas and
New Year period.
A
Personal Relationship Agreement is the solution to this problem. A
Relationship Agreement will enhance any relationship, including
marriage, and lift it to a higher level and provide a unique
experience with clarified definition, direction, purpose, meaning,
respect and trust. A Relationship Agreement can operate apart from
or as a pillar within a marriage (as a marriage patch) and will
bring a new level of respect and trust to the marriage.
A
Relationship Agreement is an agreement for uncertain times in the
history of relationships. 